Partners! Male and females alike, thank you for reading – your partner is lucky to have someone who wants to understand and support them during this potentially vulnerable time of change.

Who is this guide for? It’s for both heterosexual and homosexual couples - females who have not yet entered perimenopause (or have sailed through it!) with partners who have and are suffering  or males who have partners experiencing symptoms. The changes you observe in you loved one can be challenging, for them and you.

Women may be aware of some shifts in their hormone balance, not yet labelling it as perimenopause. Whether they have or haven’t this guide will:

1. Raise awareness & help you identify potential symptoms of menopause

2. Help you to support yourself and partner, if and when they need it

3. Validate your own thoughts and feelings about your partners hormonal shifts

   
   

So, you’ve heard about menopause but what is perimenopause?

Perimenopause is the transition between regular hormonal patterns and the cessation of periods (menopause). This transition can last years for some and is possibly the trickiest time for women. Its kicked off with a decline in oestrogen and fluctuations of oestrogen and progesterone that impact her mind, body and appearance to some degree.

In the initial stages, periods may still be regular, but premenstrual syndrome (PMS) might be creeping in or becoming more severe or drawn out. A woman with minor PMS historically may have experienced some emotional sensitivity with cramping pain for a day or two and possibly chocolate cravings just before her period! These days, she may experience an entire week (or longer) of irritability, an inability to manage life demands without feeling the strain, fatigue, tender breasts, vaginal dryness or irritation and sleep disruption. Oh, and she may feel a little hotter than before.

Self-esteem and confidence often dip at this time too, making socialising, meeting new people or attending events more difficult. If she’s a whirlwind at work ordinarily, she may find that hosting meetings or completing tasks harder than she once did.

All of the above may impact sex drive and her usual libido. It’s not often talked about but women in perimenopause can have an increased libido for a time, sometimes for years. This may or may not be welcomed by either party…. Either way, expect change.

What can you do to help?

• Initially just acknowledge their struggle, if that’s what they are experiencing.

• Be open and patient and prepared to listen, let them know you are there for them

• Ask her if there is anything you could do that would be helpful – practical things like taking on more household chores, walking the dog, cooking the dinner, running a bath or offering a massage with no pressure for sex might be just what she needs

• Accommodate her room temperature needs day & night! Sleep disturbance can be heightened for both of you if covers need to be on and off during the night. Some women sleep better (as do their partners) if they have a bed to themselves/the ability to control room temperature and bedcover thickness

• Tune into her love language i.e. what will she perceive as loving support? This will be unique to each woman and its you who knows her best. If you struggle with this, ask her what support looks like for her

• You cannot fix or change menopause and keep in mind that she can’t either! Avoid suggesting ‘fix it’ plans

• Time it right - Wait for the calm after any storm before approaching the topic

• Ask them to share their menstrual calendar, request that its visible or accessible to you – this may allow you to anticipate or make sense of some changes in mood or energy in the run up to their period.

• Support yourself. Make sure your needs are met and aren’t dependent on your partner. Taking time out to relax, exercise, meditate, play sport or study are all valid requirements. Be confident in explaining that you will be better equipped to support them when your needs are being met.

Lastly, encourage professional advice if you are both at a loss as to what to try or take to alleviate symptoms. Menopause coaching can be eye opening, giving them the power to make informed decisions about their health.